Rich Man

As I drove home after dropping off the truck Sunday morning, a new Lotus sports car passed me on the freeway. I had never even seen a picture of this model. It was very cool. A few minutes later I passed a dealership with a showroom full of dozens of Ferrari's and Maserati's, each worth as much as a house. I have often thought about going in there just to look but then thought I'd be frowned upon and maybe asked to leave. Next to that dealer is a boat lot with scores of vessels worth as much as mansions. Then a Cessna Citation private jet streaked over me in a graceful curve climbing out at something like 200 miles per hour. I thought back to the days when I piloted a small Cessna plane and how I'd love to be doing that again on such a perfect day for flying. I felt kinda poor riding along in my ten year old car from working on Sunday morning while everyone else was in church, in bed, or on a lake or golf course. And I felt bad about my destination; my 10x11 foot “home”.

But I then quickly thought about what I had heard on the radio that morning as I drove up the highway to pick up the truck. I happened to tune into a show about investing money hosted by a 71 year old financial expert. It was all about making money work for you. People called in and talked about tens and hundreds of thousands of dollars they had invested here and there and how should they tweak this or that about their portfolio. It was like listening to a broadcast from another planet as far as anything I have anything to do with. But he started out by reading the following facts that have circulated widely on the web in various forms with numbers close to those quoted here:

__________________________

If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like this:

There would be:

57 Asians 21 Europeans
14 people from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south
8 Africans
52 would be female 48 would be male
70 would be non-white 30 would be white
70 would be non-Christian 30 would be Christian
89 would be heterosexual 11 would be homosexual
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth, and all 6 would be from the United States.
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
2 would be near birth
1 would be near death
1 would have a college education
1 would own a computer
Most would know the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation.
25 would have food in the refrigerator, clothes on their back and a roof overhead.
8 would have money in the bank, in their wallet or change in a dish some where

____________________

Then I thought, how many people have a convertible of any age? And how many people live in a place where it never snows and can have the top down on a beautiful day in February and the ability to look straight up to see that pretty jet fly over? How many people have a motorcycle sitting at home? Two motor vehicles owned by a single person; that's an absurdity to most of the population of the globe. (I rent a room from a guy who owns six, if you can believe it, and two homes.) I have never lacked for a dry place to sleep at night. I've never had to run around naked. No one has ever thrown me in jail. I've never been beaten or raped. I've never been hungry for very long. I have a mind, an education, and experience that allows me to make more in a day than most of the world makes in a month and more than much of the world makes in a year. I have a computer and several musical instruments and a bunch of electronic gadgets that would have astounded the world's best scientists and engineers a decade ago. I have friends who like me and family that loves me. I have two legs that can walk me around. And two hands that can work all day and then play a tune on guitar and two ears that can hear it. I have two eyes that can drink in a sunset and fill my mind with stories and ideas from books, one of which is an interactive personal guidebook for life provided by the creator of the universe. I am reasonably healthy. The sun has risen every morning of my life, I have plenty of air and lungs to breath it, and my heart is still beating.

Yes there are a lot of things in my environment I don't have access to. Every day I see houses, boats, planes, luxury resorts, lake front property, cars, clothes, and toys of many kinds that are out of reach. It seems there is so much I will never posses. But this is a lie. Just by virtue of the fact that I was blessed to be born an American citizen I have provision and opportunity available to only a tiny fraction of the members of the global village. I have so much to be thankful for. It's actually an embarrassment of riches. I am indeed a rich man by any measure. I hope I will be able to be a good steward of it and thus honor the God who gave it to me. And always, always grateful.

There is a hotel here that almost succeeds in making you feel like you're in Italy

Poor Man

The junction box we plug into on Sunday mornings is about 10 yards from the statue shown in the previous post. This last Sunday, as has happened several times before, there was an unmistakable smell around that section of wall behind those bushes. It was obvious that one of the many homeless people who haunt that area used the modicum of privacy there to relieve himself. I got to thinking how in doing so he had committed a crime for which he could have gone to jail by doing something each of us has to do a number of times every single day. But he was forced to do it technically in public because there is no public facility available at night for many blocks in that part of downtown.

The church is attempting to do something about the homeless problem in their neighborhood. They have set up a ministry called “Compassion Corner.” There are a couple of rooms there with a bunch of chairs, a TV, reading material, and hot coffee and such. But probably more important than any of the physical provisions, they talk and get to know the folks and give the gift of friendship. I heard things that I knew had to be true; that many of these folks are highly educated and were once normal, productive members of society. But bad things happen to people. Family tragedy, business disaster, health and mental problems. Any number of things can topple the delicate balance of normalcy and sanity and another person becomes lost on the street. I see them and know that I hang by a thread. It could easily be broken any number of ways. And I am a paycheck or two away from ruin. I could easily be joining those standing by the intersection with a cardboard sign. So while I can, I try to do a little something to help. Some would say it's a waste, there is no way to do anything that will really make any difference.

Jesus said that the poor you will always have with you. He said this in the context of the protests re: the expensive liquid Mary of Bethany “wasted” when she anointed him. Some have argued that this means trying to deal with poverty is trumped by higher priorities. It certainly is discouraging in that according to Jesus, the problem will indeed never be fixed. No matter what you do, you won't succeed. You may not even make a dent. But I can't get around Jesus' words about doing something “for the least of these, my brethren.” That giving even a cup of water to such a one in Jesus' name is the same as giving it to Jesus himself. That can never be a waste.

My department head when I was teaching liked to tell a story about a guy walking down the beach. Due to some natural happenstance I know nothing about, thousands of starfish had washed up on the beach. The man stooped down occasionally as he walked, picked one of them up and tossed it back into the sea. His companion commented that there were so many, there was no way he could possibly help the situation. What he was doing really didn't matter. The man tossed another starfish into the water and said, “It mattered to that one.”

Over and Under

For the last few months I have been working a TV truck on Sunday mornings putting a church service on cable TV. We have to run nine cables from the jack panel on the rig to a box on the exterior wall of the church. (Three for power, three for cameras, two for program audio, one for intercom) As every video newby soon finds out, production is as much about stringing out and recoiling cables as it is about running cameras and pushing buttons on fancy gear. Another thing the newby must learn early on is the over and under technique of coiling a cable. In the days of thick-as-your-thumb multicore camera cables one had to do it this way or the cable simply could not be wound up. It's easier to show than to describe, but as one coils the cable, one loop goes over the incoming line and puts a half twist in it, then the next one goes under the incoming line and puts a half twist the other way, and back and forth and so on. This keeps the cable from getting kinked up and ruined, lets it store flat and neat, and allows it to be strung out again without tangling (as long as one gets that technique right as well). If one sees a person wrapping a cable around their elbow, it's a sure sign of lack of training. That's a great way to destroy a cable. The technique is equally advantageous for ropes and garden hoses. But I digress.

There is a little courtyard area on the side of the church where we usually coil up the cables after the shoots. There is a statue of Jesus there (or it might be Peter, but I like to think it's Jesus). I always get a kick out of it as we are taking good care of our cables because Jesus is holding a fishing net with a coil of rope. I always say that's Jesus coiling cables with us. And the other guys are quick to point out that he knows how to over and under, his coil is perfect.

We know that the disciples were for the most part working class men. Jesus, in his humanity, was of lowly social class, though his heritage went back to the greatest king of Israel, David. I'm reminded of those stories of a king going out among his subjects incognito wearing peasant garb and finding out what it was like to live in his kingdom. Time and again I am encouraged by Hebrews chapter 4. He knows all about what I go through. Not just because he is omniscient God, but in the grit of his humanity. I can't express how much that means to me. He really does know how to over and under.

The Desert

I have the day off today. I'm thankful for my work, but how I love time to myself. This morning I'm sitting out on the patio. The light sparkles on the pond out behind the house. It's cool and sunny. A nice breeze is blowing. The rays filtering through the trees dance in a dapple of light and shadow on the bricks of the patio. The temperature here midway between a sun that could turn this whole planet to burning gases in a millisecond and the freezing cold of black space is absolutely perfect not only for life but for delightful, exultant life. I am overwhelmed by beauty this day. Nothing is happening, but everything is happening. All is calm, but all is alive; swaying, flapping, twinkling, whispering.

I once lived in southern California for a number of years. Growing up my learning of deserts through books and movies made me think of that environment as something to avoid; a place of boredom and misery and slow death. I suppose many people never get to a desert because of these kinds of thoughts. But inevitably some folks find themselves in one for one reason or another. Barreling down a straight highway through hours and hours of emptiness rushing by on a hot summer day can indeed make one fearful of the awesome danger of a desert and eager to get through it and out of it. But I'll never forget the first time I found myself standing still in the California desert. When one stops to really be in it, look at it, listen to it, smell it, and feel it, the beauty reveals itself to you. The extreme dryness makes hot and cold seem completely different than elsewhere. The first time you realize the beauty of a desert it is overwhelming. It is so still, so quiet, so subtle, and there is so much of it. The vastness and isolation is incomprehensible. And far from a dead place, it is a canvas of constantly changing color and texture. But it happens in such slow motion that it is only visible to those who will slow down and pay attention.

The desert is beautiful. It may not be the best place to set up housekeeping and you probably wouldn't enjoy living there long term, but what a place to visit! Once it grabs you, you will always want to go back and take in more. The solitude that once seemed onerous can be addicting. That is a bit of a conundrum: you're not made to stay there, but you long for it's beauty. It's like scuba diving in that one is keenly aware that it is an alien environment where you are a short-term guest given a peek but never able to take in more than a taste. Of course we've all seen movies and read books where the haggard man in rags crawls over the sand dunes in search of water, slowly inching toward his death. And in such a perilous circumstance a desert can be cruel and punishing. It's interesting that it is that image that seems to be the default icon for the word “desert.” It's something bad.

So what does this thought have to do with sitting here outside with my laptop on a perfect day with fallen leaves swirling under the table? Sometimes things are harsh. Sometimes I find myself there by sheer happenstance, sometimes I get myself there. It's easy to find something to complain about. Easy to become bitter. And when I'm bitter about one thing, there always seems to be something else close by to be bitter about. Soon all I can see is blackness, frustration, entrapment, and a dead end. But there is always beauty. And if I find a little of it, there is something to be thankful for. That it is there. That I have eyes to see it. Like bitterness, thankfulness breeds on itself. When I'm thankful for a gift, I soon find something else to be thankful for. And then more. And then little details and flourishes and finishing touches that enrichen the experience. One can soon be overwhelmed by the intricacy and fullness. Even when alone on the back side of the desert.

Sitting here today I'm struck with the thought that God can indeed withhold his gifts of blessing for a season. He has his reasons that often make no sense to us stuck here in space and time, unable to comprehend the end of his process. But he does have his reasons. And like a father or a mother or a lover, he wants to give his good gifts to those he loves. When he does, he doesn't just give, he lavishes. A blue jay in the tree must be reading my mind. He just cried out in agreement and swooped into the air. I'd like to do the same.

I just looked up and the skywriter who used to advertise for “Rosie O'Grady's” back when it was still open is now flying his old biplane in the blue to the south of this neighborhood. I've heard he does this when he doesn't have a paying client. The message in the sky? “Jesus Loves U.” Perfectly framed for me in the opening between the trees. The well is deep. Come and drink.

It aint quite Billboard,

but I have a song at #33 on the SoundClick.com acoustic guitar chart. Out of 16,400 songs. It hit 121 out of 78,824 among all the acoustic categories. A couple of others hit numbers under 100 in their categories while I wasn't paying attention. I haven't listened to a whole lot of other stuff on this website, but if my stuff is doing this well, I think it's a safe guess there are oceans of mediocrity available!

Sunshine in the Darkness

Some storms are moving through Orlando this morning. I glanced out to the patio and it looked really strange. I stepped out into bright sunshine but all around as far as I could see was an awful lot of darkness. Yep...

Ni Hao!

I have gotten hits today from at least 15 different IP addresses in China. I wonder how all you friends over there have come to find this little blog? I suppose it could be some kind of internet anomoly but maybe there is something here that is causing some of you to tell each other about it. Would anyone care to clue me in on what is going on over there? Click "comments" just below this line and type something back to me.

Big Dreams

My junior year in high school I attended the last of a long series of annual events at Winona Lake, Indiana. Youth for Christ had been putting on conferences there every summer for decades and the era was ending. The huge Billy Sunday Tabernacle, a dilapidating sawdust floor fire hazard, was torn down not long after.

The next summer a conference was held at Anderson College, Anderson, Indiana. A woman spoke that week who I had never heard of before and haven't since. Her name was Hansi if I remember correctly. She was German and had been involved with the Nazi party as a young person during WWII and later became a follower of Jesus. She gave a compelling challenge to dream big dreams for God; to strive to accomplish great things. I thought long and hard that week about things I thought God might be leading me to. I thought of some things I thought I might be well fitted out for and found a lot of added determination to travel the course I saw in front of me.

In the last week I worked the launch events of two new Christian ministries. One is an internet outfit called iQuestions that came on-line at the NRB convention. The other is a training ministry for corporate executives called Lifework Leadership. Both of these ventures are being undertaken by talented, capable people with great passion for what they are doing. The ideas are very creative and they are well networked with other people and ideas and ventures that make them synergistic with what others have already implemented.

Seeing and hearing the folks involved with these new ventures share their vision and plans and excitement made me think of some of the things I intended to accomplish in my life. Actually, I have been able to do much of what I set out to do. But other big designs have seemed to move further and further from me to the point I really don't expect to ever be involved with them at all. I am encouraged by the fact that others are pursuing similar ideas and that other younger people are coming along behind me with great energy, more ability, and newer, better tools to work with.

I remember sharing some of my ideas and goals with a close friend quite a few years ago. I was passionate and enthusiastic. I had plans that I thought were unique or at least a new take based on theretofore non-extent technologies. My friend said something I really didn't want to hear. I was a bit taken aback when he asked if I had ever considered that perhaps I wasn't going to be the one to accomplish these things. That perhaps someone after me would. That maybe I was just going to be about some preliminary groundwork. Or less. After some days of consideration I recognized that he might be right. After some months I even embraced the idea which had a lot to do with my eventual decision to teach at the college.

Now that season is past, I see others pursuing big dreams with great gusto, and I wonder about some of my own big ideas that seem laughable at this point as far as my involvement. I was reminded today about David's zeal to build the Temple. Because he was a man of the sword, a killer, God didn't let him bring his dream to fruition. But as the King of Israel he certainly was involved with setting the stage. And his son got the job done.

So I'm okay with the way things are and the way they are going. I'm glad I don't have to get everything done myself. I'm very happy to be an anonymous cog in the middle of the mechanism somewhere and not at the business end. But I did get a bit wistful today about big dreams. But I suppose its better to have a dream that never happens than never have a dream at all. Maybe just telling one person about it will send it into the future and eventually to the point where someone will be able to make it happen.

More of What the Bible Doesn't Say

I can't figure out why some folks are so scared of truth being revealed that might cause Christianity to be proved false. Unless those people are not believers. And then, why should they care? If one believes something is true, then there should be no fear of other truth proving that truth wrong. Truth is completely compatible with all other truth. Only liars have to be concerned with coordinating all their lies.

Some seem to be afraid that the possible existence of extra-terrestrial life would be a threat to faith in God. How could that be? Yuri Gagarin, the first human to orbit the earth, came back and is attibuted as saying that he didn't see God out there. Well that sure proved atheism, didn't it?! Venturing a few baby steps outside the atmosphere for two hours certainly measured the bounds of the universe. A universe we submit was created, therefore it's creator exists, by definition, outside of it. Yuri expressed the kind of consummate application of the scientific method so often espoused by a “scientific” community bent on denying the existence of God or anything supernatural. A further chuckle comes from the fact that such thinking happens in the confines of a philosophical form fallacy. (ex: an attempt to measure the temperature with a ruler)

A world-rocking revelation such as the proving of the existence of extra-terrestrial life or even UFO's among us would have no bearing whatsoever on God or his creation. In fact, if the universe is considered a supreme example of artistic and engineering brilliance, then to me it implies that there likely are other worlds and beings out there. What artist of such talent only ever paints only one painting? Or writes only one song? Wouldn't such creativity exult in giving fruition to much more beauty from one's welling soul? Wouldn't such an engineer be giddy about setting loose such wondrous devices as animals and plants and people and DNA and weather and tectonic geography and that clever time/space continuum? Why not do something similar on other planets? Why not whip up other complete universes? Or perhaps a few hundred other dimensions of being? Do you think the tens of thousands of microcopic critters swimming around in a drop of pond water have any idea that human beings exist?

Here's another thought from your friendly neighborhood iconoclast: Perhaps the Gospel is unique to our world and doesn't apply to other worlds or creations. Jesus could be the agent of reconciliation and restoration in all of them, but perhaps the others don't need that service. Perhaps some worlds exist as the creator intended in perfection without rebellion and sin. Perhaps God the Father has other sons that have done the required work in other worlds. Our vision of God is just way too small.

So, if I met ET this afternoon it would be an amazing experience. Maybe my children or grandchildren or great, great, great grandchildren will see that day. But if and when it comes, it will have no bearing whatsoever on the truth we already have. Except to support it.

What the Bible Doesn't Say

I finally watched “The daVinci Code” movie. Never got around to reading the book. I'm one who gets nervous when people start playing fast and loose with information and misinformation about Jesus. But history, being His story, is of utmost importance to the Godhead, so I don't think any of us have to worry much about God's management of his own intellectual property. He is quite able to handle it, thank you very much. The film is quite a clever and entertaining romp in the tradition of "Raiders of the Lost Ark" and “National Treasure.” The pivotal plot points are so obviously preposterous that only the most gullible could actually be convinced that the whole logical chain holds together any more than that there is actually a treasure map on the back of the United States Constitution. The fact that the premise is admittedly based on a fairly recent forged document puts to bed any doubts.

That said, the story does beg a few questions about what the Bible doesn't say. The plot line about Mary Magdalene is indeed true, as far as what the Bible doesn't say, that we have no reason to believe that she was ever a prostitute. This might have been fabricated and become part of tradition as part of an attempt to propagate a general belief that Jesus was always a virgin, that his mother always was, that generally anything to do with sex never had anything to do with Jesus. I have a big problem with this. How can Hebrews 4 be true (“For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.”), if Jesus had no direct human experience with the thing that almost every human being struggles with above just about everything else in the human condition?

What the Bible doesn't say is anything at all about the period between Jesus' childhood and his three years of ministry in his thirties. That's a big chunk of personal history, my friend. Why have I never heard a preacher discuss what may have gone on during those years? In the Jewish tradition of that time, people generally got married in their young teens. Why not Jesus? Why couldn't he have been married for quite some time during those silent years? The Bible is so abundantly clear that sex in marriage is not sin in any way, shape, or form but rather one of the finest treasures that God bestows upon mankind (ref: Song of Solomon). And the troubles endured in male/female relationships are one of the greatest sources of angst for every single one of us, whether we ever marry or not. How could Jesus not have experienced this in some way and have any idea in his humanity of what my own personal agony of soul is in this world? I submit that the probability is that he did have a wife at some point. And for that matter, though we of course have no word of Jesus being married during the recorded ministry years and I'm no Biblical scholar, but again, as far as I know, the Bible doesn't say that he wasn't at that point. As a side note, I have no idea why anyone would entertain the notion that Mary his mother would have remained a virgin for life. The record implies that she and Joseph abstained only until after his birth. That whole thing is a real stretch.

There are those who have postulated that Mary Magdalene and Jesus might have been romantically involved. And we are told that Jesus had a special love for Lazaraus and his sisters, Martha and another Mary. When that Mary anointed his feet in the room with the disciples, it seems only she had any understanding of his state of mind and heart. It's possible she did comprehend what was coming when nobody else did. In fact, does not this event imply this? Might not a spouse or one in love be the one in a position to possibly understand?

Why would any of this be scandalous? How does it have any logical affect on the veracity or purity of the Gospel? Logically, Jesus and Mary Magdalene could have been married. Or he may have been married to someone else. Or he might not have been married but in love. The heartache of loosing a spouse earlier in his life or the prospect of loosing a spouse at the cross or the agony of being in love with a woman he could not have for any number of possible reasons does not logically lead to any necessary sin involved in any of these scenarios. On the contrary, it would have been a huge part of the painful consequences of The Fall that Jesus took to the cross and embraced and felt as he died for you and me. These are the things he took on for us. Not some generic concept of the sin of mankind, but the deepest personal pain you and I feel in our guts. The agony that crushes us, that beats us up and leaves us for dead. That which lays waste to all the good that God originally created in this world for your benefit and mine, to our individual potential, and to hope.

Fiction has great value. It causes us to think.

Encouragement

I read John 12 this morning. I'm trying to note significance in the sequence of events. Here is one: Mary, the sister of Martha and Lazarus, poured the fragrant liquid worth a year's wages on Jesus' feet and wiped them with her hair followed by the triumphal entry into Jerusalem which was marked supernaturally by the voice of God from heaven audibly to a crowd of people giving credibility to Jesus publicly.

The thing I noticed this time through this passage is that in the middle of this dramatic and intense public proceeding, between the parade into the city and the voice from heaven, some Greek folks, intentionally identified as non-Jews, had come to the temple area, to which their access would have been limited by their status, to worship the true God. They apparently hadn't originally come to witness the spectacle of this Jesus celebrity, but rather as sincere seekers of truth. They sought out Jesus but interestingly, the text drops that subplot there and we don't know anything about them seeing him or if they even did at all. But Jesus is recorded as immediately talking about dying as a seed planted and drawing all men to himself. And, once again, nobody around including his own disciples nor the threatened educated scriptural scholars understood any of this.

It occurred to me that this might have something to do with the encouragement of Jesus in the human part of his being. The triumphal entry and the voice from heaven didn't seem to do much for Jesus' spirit as he knew what was just ahead. It was a wee bit of the honor he deserved but he couldn't enjoy it. He even mentions that the Voice was not for his benefit but for those around who witnessed it. The fact that nobody, even those closest and dearest to him, had any idea of what was weighing heavily on his heart and thus could offer no support to his agony of soul, made all the public adulation of no personal value to him whatsoever. I don't imagine Jesus' face as he rode into Jerusalem smiling. I can't imagine him waving to the crowd. I would guess that if one had looked very closely, one might have seen a lonely tear in the corner of his eye. There is no amplifier of suffering more potent than suffering alone in a crowd and misunderstood. This is the kind of information about Jesus that makes my heart gush when I read that “we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.” (Hebrews 4).

So, to the encouragement part. In the middle of this mayhem, those Greek folks came to see him. The fact that they did reminded Jesus in a physical, immediate way of why he was there; of the benefit of what he was about to endure. It was to save these lost sheep; souls outside of the fold of God's theretofore inner circle of chosen people. No one would have paid these foreigners much mind, I never did reading this before, but I imagine Jesus took encouragement in the Father sending them his way more than the booming voice the others heard from heaven. Only he knew the significance, and it was a moment he shared with the Father alone, just the two of them. This is a peek at how God works.

Brain Barometer

I can gage my mental state by looking at my bed. If I'm in a semi-organized mode and making the best of my days it is made and looking ship shape. If I'm a mess it's also a mess. The last few days it got a good airing out with the covers left pulled back. Today it's made up.

Old Song

Sleeping is something I rarely have trouble doing. I just had a fitful night. But morning finally came. It always does. I had a dream in the night where I was dealing with a wayward, ungrateful kid with a bad attitude who was hurting people who loved him and were trying to help by disdaining or just ignoring them. I manhandled him a bit and gave him a stern lecture about deciding where his life and destiny was going to go. The dream ended with me leaning back and realizing “thou art the man.”

I woke up a little while ago thinking of a song I sang as a kid with some friends many years ago. It was taken loosely from John 14:

He is the way, without him there's no going
He is the truth, without him there's no knowing
He is the life, now and eternally
He satisfies the searching heart
and fills man with his love
full, rich, and free

I was naive and thought I knew all about this. But the words were true nonetheless. Now I'm old. I've been around the world a bunch of times. Figuratively and literally. I've seen and experienced much. Probably too much. I'm tired. I'm broken. I'm cynical. The words of the old song are still true. But now I know how little I know of them. Education is the process of discovering how much you don't and can never know but developing the habit of and fascination with lifelong learning anyway. Spiritually it's the same. As another old friend from that era used to sing “Lord I've learned this one thing to be true: Is that the closer I get to You, I see I'm a stranger to Your holiness.”

constipation consternation contemplation

I've tried. I've really tried. But I just don't have the talent. I don't have the skills. I can't create enough songs. Or good enough ones. Or images. I don't have enough words. What is inside me is lodged there tightly and I can't get it out. I'm not sure why I'm so desperate to do so. I doubt it would really help or matter at all to me or anyone else if I did anyway. It's frustrating. I'm feeling terrible today. And it's been a beautiful one and I'm feeling guilty for not being very grateful for the gift that it is. I'm just sorry.

It seems all my life I've been struggling with either the black dog on my back or the longing in my chest. Or both at the same time. Maybe I think that if I can create something beautiful enough or with enough depth of meaning and express my truest deepest innermost soul and just get it out it will somehow bring relief. Somehow connect me to freedom. “ARBEIT MACHT FREI” I don't think so.

New Music

So, what I've been up to is writing songs and recording them. I have four new ones from the last few weeks. Well, elements of a couple of them have been kicking around for some months. But these four came together in remarkably close proximity to each other. I also recorded two songs that I wrote over ten years ago that were never recorded. If you are interested they are here:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=641563

You can play a stream in your browser in low-fi or hi-fi (for low speed and high speed connections respectively), or you can download mp3's. The first four songs in the list are the new ones. The next two are the older ones. You will hear the new bass. I had fun fooling around with it and I'm quite happy with the sounds I got on the recordings. It adds a lot. Got a wee bit of that "Gypsy Soul" vibe going which was what I was after.

Hope you enjoy!

Standby to Standby

Been working a lot lately. And my thought energy has been directed elsewhere in the downtime in between. There will soon be a link here to explore it if you want to. Standby.

The Time of Your Life

Playing with words
thinking of rhymes
The time of your life
is your life and times

Live your life
love your life
love the life of your love
Live your love
love the love of your life

You're giving your hours
you're spending your years
whether you know it or not
The present is precious
even with tears
It's happening now
It's all that you've got

Playing with words
thinking of rhymes
The time of your life
is your life and times

Write it all down
give it time
and see if it sticks
Go over it all once or twice
and then make a fix

You're giving your hours
you're spending your years
whether you know it or not
The present is precious
even with tears
It's happening now
It's all that you've got

Playing with words
thinking of rhymes
The time of your life
is your life and times

It's your life and times

It's the time of your life

Bad Night in Central Florida

A couple of weeks ago I was up in Lady Lake, one of the areas hardest hit by last night's tornado. It's about 45 miles northwest of where I live. I was looking for a church and drove right by the Church of God that got destroyed. Got a little tour of part of The Villages area by some residents who love it there. Seemed like a nice place for retired people to enjoy life. But life got a whole lot more complicated for a whole lot of people there last night. And much simpler for the six that died there. It seems that at least thirteen more people died as the tornado moved eastward. It's a sad day here in central Florida.

This lady stands in what was her living room.

This guy closed on his new house yesterday and it was destroyed last night. At least his stuff wasn't in it yet.

This lady lost her last house in Hurricane Katrina and then moved to The Villages. It's supposed to be safer here in the middle of the state.

The old home place.

Load of oranges

Morning in the neighborhood.

Notes on Low Notes

I have been recording some new songs and I've been struggling getting the bass parts down like I want them using the bass simulator function in my recorder. I finally decided it would be a whole lot easier and more versatile to just play the parts on a real bass guitar. I had a wild hare idea. I had some overtime on a recent job so figured I could probably afford it. So I did a bunch of research and some shopping and I just returned home with an inexpensive used five string bass with active pickups! This particular brand and model seems to be fairly desirable among cheap basses. This particular bargain appeared to be on the market because of a small problem that needed repair which I was able to do with a dab of JB Weld, a drill, and a screwdriver. I think my guitar playing skills will transfer enough to be able to get what I want out of it for now. And who knows, maybe I'll turn into a real bass player. I'm told that if you play bass you'll always have a gig. Everybody wants to play guitar, but they are always desperate to find a bass player. I guess that's why the guitar player in the band is usually some young, good looking guy and the bass player is often some old fat dude. I'm also told that you just can't have too many guitars. I'm inclined to agree. It's such a pretty thing. I really have never had the least bit of interest in the bass but there are these bass sounds in my head I want in my recordings so now I'm all about making it happen. Ya just gotta have the want to.