The Future

From up here
I can see the past
I cannot see the future
Sometimes this seems a curse
But I think most often it's a blessing.
The future seems scary, But maybe my fears
won't come to pass. If I knew they were going to,
it would no longer be scary. It would be terror
beyond measure. I'll take scary.
Right now I'm really nervous.
Couldn't sleep all night. Tried, then gave up.
Reading, thinking, praying, writing.
The dark night of the soul is also the long night of the soul.
What will happen on the morn? I don't know.
I think
I pray
I plan
I strive to do the right thing.
To figure out what that right thing is.
To assess my motives and check my heart.
I so want to do it in the right frame of mind and heart.
How can I know about this? How do I control my emotions?
My words? My anger? My agony?
Why is
this all so
complex?
I'm so
tired.
I wish
I could
Sleep
Under
this
tree