First Breath

I moved over the weekend. Again. I'm starting the settling in process. Again. I have more stuff than space to put it. Again. One would think that after so many times I would get used to it but there's no way around the stress and discomfort. I got to thinking about some other things I'm trying to get started in after long thought. Things I want to do badly but they scare me. And then I thought back to swimming lessons when I was a kid and about learning to scuba dive.

At seven or eight years old, when my family was living in a small apartment in downtown Chicago, I had the opportunity to take swimming lessons at the pool belonging to the school my father was attending. I wanted to get in that water and swim so badly but the lessons scared me to death. It was the strangest mix of desire and fear and I can still feel the oddness of that combination.

Many years later I was in another swimming pool. By then being in water was completely familiar and totally comfortable. I had wanted to get scuba certified since the first time I saw Lloyd Bridges in “Sea Hunt,” just like every other boy in America. The opportunity finally came along. But scuba requires going through one particular threshold that is so unnatural that everything in your body screams “DON'T DO IT!!!!” You learn all about how the equipment works. You see and know that it does. But at some point, with a regulator in your mouth, you have to put your head under water and breathe in. It is insanely unnatural. No matter what you know in your head, there is intense emotional and overwhelming physical revulsion against doing this. Some people just can't. It's one of those mind-over-matter situations. But if you can somehow gin up the courage to take that first breath and force another two or three amid all the adrenaline shooting around in your chest, the terror quickly passes. You settle into regular breathing which feels very normal and in no time the sights and sensations you are experiencing are so delightful you forget all about the breathing.

Ironically, scuba diving can be one of the most peaceful and relaxing activities imaginable. But dealing with those first breaths and with equipment that weighs a ton out of the water, you might never believe it to be possible. Transition is almost always very uncomfortable. But there is no other way to get to the good things on the other side.