Marbles in Hand
So I found myself in John 14 again. It seems this passage just keeps honing in on my life, always coming back around. I noticed this time that the last thing in chapter 13 immediately before it is the disconcerting words to Peter that he was about to deny the Lord three times. The first thing in 14 is Jesus saying, “Let not your heart be troubled.” One of the few semi-famous people I have known, one who went on to record numerous albums, wrote a song with that as it's title. It was his first and had a big impact on my life when I was in high school. I saw personally for the first time how a guy with a guitar could speak powerfully into the hearts of people.
This morning I thought about what some theologians consider to be the one “unpardonable sin”: denying Christ. It's logical that it would indeed be the one unpardonable sin in that by rejecting the giver, you reject his gift: reconciliation with a holy God and thus separation from him. But that is ultimate rejection. Every one of us denys Christ in some way at some time. We hurt him when we do that. But if that is not what we really want, if we do it out of weakness and lament it and ask forgiveness for it and for grace and strength and wisdom to handle such situations better in the future, then that is not unpardonable. I believe this because of the context of the end 13 and the start of 14. Jesus announces the most famous denial of himself in recorded history, followed by the comforting words to “let not your heart be troubled” and then later declares Peter the foundation rock of the church. God knows we are but dust as that's what he used to make us. And he is able to pressure that soil into stone capable of supporting great weight.
Yesterday a friend who plays gigs all the time asked me to come to a place where he hosts a regular open mic kinda thing on Thursday nights. I had been there before and it was a bit less than a satisfying experience. But I decided to give it another shot and try out a couple of my new songs. The place is a wine and cigar bar and is trying for a trendy, sophisticated vibe. But it's in St Cloud, just south of Orlando and the demographic there really doesn't support such an ambiance. They are nice folks but they really don't get it. To them it's just another bar. But after my buddy's pick-up band got through a raucous set, he announced it was going to settle down to some acoustic music. The bass player grabbed his 12-string and moaned through some Neil Young and a few other tunes. Then it was my turn.
Now, my friend is an accomplished player and a true lover of the guitar. He enjoys a wide range of styles, but his bread and butter is electric rock and roll and blues. But he gets what I do and encourages me. So I'm up. As happened before at that venue, I had some technical difficulty which distracted me terribly. I got into one of my new songs and of course nobody really paid any attention, which is normal in such a place. But then this white bearded old drunk biker-type guy staggered up to me with a big smile and some advice. He said something like, “Hey, these people are here to have a good time, play us some upbeat stuff.” I'm thinking (and I really didn't mean it as ugly): pearls before swine. Or perhaps more realistically, marbles before puppies. So I shrugged off my hopes that maybe someone there would hear what I had to say and launched into the rowdiest thing I had come prepared to do. I had some mix minus tracks prepared with the lead vocal and most of the rhythm guitar cut out, so on that one there was drums and bass and all seemed to enjoy that one. Then most of the band came back and I sat in on a couple of tunes that consisted mostly of endless jamming. And then I bowed out, my buddy got back in the saddle and wailed away at Santana and Stones and Stevie Ray Vaughn at enormous volume all mushed into the terrible acoustics of that room and all got back down to the business of drinking and dancing.
I was not terribly disappointed. I pretty much expected that this was as it would go. But I left deciding that a couple of tries was enough for that particular place. My tunes just don't play to folks who are focused on enjoying an evening of alcohol and carousing. I was sorry about one thing. I had prepared one, just one, tune that overtly focused on Christ. I had this infinitesimal bit of hope that I might be able to be real enough and compelling enough with a magical enough sound to get an audience eating out of my hand to the point I could lay this on them and they would have ears to hear it. That is my musical fantasy. But of course, it didn't happen. Maybe another time in another place.
Spurgeon left these thoughts behind for me to find today:
“...all must be brought into action, and talents which have been thought too mean (average) must now be employed.”
“Each moment of time, in season or out of season; each fragment of ability, educated or untutored; each opportunity, favourable or unfavourable, must be used ...”
“Idlers may indulge a fond conceit of their abilities, because they are untried; but the earnest worker soon learns his own weakness.”
“If you seek humility, try hard work; if you would know your nothingness, attempt some great thing for Jesus. If you would feel how utterly powerless you are apart from the living God, attempt especially the great work of proclaiming the unsearchable riches of Christ, and you will know, as you never knew before, what a weak unworthy thing you are.”
That is indeed a bit how I felt last night. But I knew those poor folks just didn't have ears to hear me. I hope someone else will at some point be able to speak in a way they will hear.
So I attempted in a stumblingly feeble way to shine a ray of light on those unsearchable riches. I failed. But it is the Spirit's work. I tried to be a willing tool, but the tool doesn't bear all the sorrow if the work isn't accomplished. A tool is just a tool. The artisan is in charge of the work.
As I was thinking these thoughts, a pretty little grey dove landed on the patio about ten feet away from me. I thought, “Peace I give to you, my peace I give to you.” She poked around among the bricks searching for a little breakfast and seemed quite unconcerned with my presence, pecking to within six feet of me. The stiff wind would seem to make the presence of such a fragile little flier unlikely today. Indeed it would get under her feathers and splay them all into disarray. But then during the lulls her feathers smoothed right back into a perfectly blended silky surface. What a sublime little creature. Lowly, perhaps, in the avian kingdom, but marvelous just the same. She hung around for a while and then just as suddenly as she appeared, she launched into the air and disappeared around the neighbor's house.
The weather is still moving in. I'll probably have to seek cover soon. But it's okay. Today is a good day.
posted by wingman at 12:28 PM
3 Comments:
Wow great post with so much to consume.
My comment has different parts. First I went to see Mat Kearney with friends in Atlanta last year. There was two openners one was Jushua Radin. He has been featured on Scrubs etc. Great music, hard to capture live with college kids and such. I appreciated the music, but it did not fit the show. I have since bought all his music and listen to it often as well as with Mat Kearney.
It is hard to relationally connect with people to draw them in to hear the/your message. We have to build, build, build, then deliver. With the knowledge of your obstacles before your task you match/sell a balance between your agenda and theirs. They want Honky Tonk Women, you want the window into Christ's heart through your song. An artists integrity and salesmanship of entertainment is the million dollar principle for many. True fellowship begins with relationships. Find how to do that for any audience and they will connect to your message if you attract them.
I can read that walls that rejection has begun to build in the ability to deliver your message. We need credibity and cache to give us confidence. Every musician struggles with establishing their signature. If you have it, believe in it, create your own opportunities to deliver it. Coffee shoppes, open mikes, etc. A night of music at your church inviting friends etc.
In Atlanta the small church used a coffee house for many nights of interaction like this for many ideas.
The nature of the post was not completely about the music, I understand. The ideas that I present are to expand on the desire you have, not to critic negatively.
I am sincerely grateful for your comments, Lance. I think you are absolutely right about needing to find the right venue/situation/audience for what I have to offer built on some kind of relationship. I need some sort of ability to connect and build credibility as you say. To earn a hearing. I'm at a disadvantage as I am not an entertainer. It's not natural for me to patter and chat up and win over an audience. If potential hearers desire to be entertained, then I have little hope of making any headway. But that is not the only kind of audience. Perhaps at some point I'll have an opportunity in an appropriate situation. If not, that's okay. I do what I do mainly for myself. It's theraputic to express myself and get out some of what is inside. I enjoy the process. If I can share it, that's a bonus. I really have no high aspirations or agenda for any of it.
I have a little experience at this as my girlfriend is a singer/songwriter. I support her in her efforts. Finding the right words to support an artist is difficult. Having people who are on your look out for venues makes your job simply to entertaining. Myspace of course is the new calling card for artists.
The part though that we are reaching towards is not just the music, but the message that our heart whispers for us to share. That is totally different.
www.kellyhartmusic.com
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