Threshold in a box

As much as an out-of-the-box thinker as I would like to be, I find my mind constantly running to the same thought patterns. Eight or nine times out of ten that seems to be dichotomies or metaphors attempting to express people using mechanisms. It’s a broken record, I know, but maybe, just maybe one time it could be helpful, so I write it down when it comes. The process seems to help me anyway. So, here we go again.

In thinking about the last post before writing it, I drifted over to thoughts of how I’m getting along with my wife after nearly 25 years of marriage. We have crossed a threshold it would seem, or at least I have. In our continual efforts to remedy our all too common default mode of disconnect, our communication (which comprises a mixed bag of talking to each other, interfacing with close friends, writing, poetry, imaging, and being in each other’s space looking at each other or just breathing the same air) recently got into some difficult truth telling. This is one of those healthy processes like aerobic exercise that isn’t particularly pleasant but does lots of good… eventually. Often, when on the receiving end of such truth telling, I have become wounded and the damage sends me spiraling down to a crash. This time, however, the hard-won understanding from past encounters provided me the ability to accept it and process it with hardly a burble of my wings and no loss of altitude. Turbulence, sure, but catastrophic loss of control of the aircraft? Not this time. There was emotional course maintenance all the way through. I was able to accept the facts about the bad things in the past that I was responsible for, gain value from the lessons learned, and address the current emotional needs in a way that actually connected and was effective and appreciated. This time, instead of veering off into emotionally reeling oblivion, I was able to see behind the words, understand where they came from, and recognize the current need they represented. My response was emotionally stable and spoke in a logic language that was actually understood and accepted. I was even able to interject a bit of humor which actually got a laugh. This was miraculous. A dramatic turn for us. What a great day we had. Early this morning I walked up behind her in the bathroom as she was fixing her hair and stood there for a moment looking at her as I often do as my first action of the day. I realized that after 25 years I loved her in a new way, at a new level, and told her so. Often we don’t recognize a threshold until we look back at it from a ways down the road. But when you realize it at the moment it happens, it’s magic.