Fear of Falling

Another childhood memory jumps out at me. In winter, we used to love to play on the frozen ponds and swampy lots around my neighborhood. We would push it at the beginning of winter, trying the new ice to see if it would hold us. Sometimes, we would get too far out too early. I remember that feeling of standing there when you hear that cracking sound, sometimes I could see the spider webs form under me, growing out from my feet. I would wonder whether it was better to hold still or run. Would I get out of this without getting cold and wet? More than once I fell through and got shoes and pant legs full of cold water. Game over for that day. One time it happened out on the big pond, far from our house. We had been dropped off there to skate. My little sister and cousin were getting too close to the thin ice. I went after them to warn them and I, being bigger and heavier, was the one who fell through. That time I did some swimming. I scrambled out somehow and stood there in the winter cold soaking wet. Miraculously, my mom showed up right at that instant and I was saved by the warmth of our Chevy station wagon. The feelings are all so familiar now. Will I make it out of this? If not, am I going to freeze to death? Daddy's long in his grave and mommy can't do anything to help this time. I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto.